A Forward Minded Generation?

Have you ever received absolutely irritating and irrelevant forwards that bug you beyond death and make you feel like all the intelligent life in the universe has just migrated to mars? Oh wait aren’t you the moron who sent me the forward in the first place?

Well you know what I am talking about, those ridiculous forwards generated by totally jobless pranksters who just want to have a laugh, which are forwarded by dense morons who skipped the brain servings in heaven because the queue was too long before they set their dumbasses on the planet.

The kinds that go like :

My grandma in Somalia hasn’t eaten in three days because Somalia has no supply of food grains. Kindly forward this message to everyone you know so that she can eat the enormous amount of pointless data that will get circulated.

Or the ones that say

Forward this message to 12 people at 12 in the night and 12 beautiful girls will tell you how good you look.

(C’mon you can’t blame me for forwarding that one ;) the closest I’ve gotten is “Its good to look ugly da” and a comparison of my appearance to some ridiculous looking tree, near the CSE department, by two members of the fairer sex. Well the forwarding really worked. Next day, a dozen female pigs chased me from the 14th block till we parted ways half the way to the mess!)


Anyway you get the drift. The last straw was when I got the “get Kalam back” forward. Incessant forwarding of the same mail by a million people drove me up the wall to say the least. The essence of the mail was that since Kalam was a very great president, it was our duty to get him back to office by submitting a petition on Lolappan Chettan’s website designed by his son Mandan Kunju who had just learned HTML! This would cause the scales to fall from the eyes of all the politicians in India and Kalam would be gloriously reinstated!

I was happily rotting away in my room today, as jobless as Stuart Broad after bowling to Yuvraj (that is to say I was merely staring at the sky and hoping that an alien space ship would appear from somewhere and brighten up the day). Pretty much laidback you could say and no pun intended either! Sigh!

So well my phone beeps and I see a dumb message which goes on to say if I forward it to 10 other Vodafone users, I would get 75 mins absolutely free! Not surprising that this message was forwarded to me by the same numbskull-fairer-sex-ians who called me ugly and compared me to a tree (as if we didn’t know they were dumb enough already!).

Bored beyond irritation, I set about to test if the rest of the world was dumb enough. Immediately I made up a message (which many of you imbecilic jackasses forwarded with great fervour may I add?) which reads as follows

Today, 21st September, is the Vodafone (formerly hutch) pug’s birthday. On this joyous occasion, we would like to reward our esteemed customers. Night calls between 10 pm and 6 am will be made free for everyone who forwards this message to 10 other Vodafone users today. You will have this offer till September 29th, which is when the pug was baptized.

(If in spite of the capitalization, making bold and italic of some letters a bell dosen't ring in the peanut you pass off for a brain, it stands for the name of the author of the message - TONY (sebastian).)

Well it apparently wasn’t a very smart thing to do as my phone keeps beeping twice a minute with the same dumb message and its nearly four in the morning and I honestly can't sleep!

so here I am begging you


PLEASE STOP FORWARDING DUMB MESSAGES YOU MORON!

A coupla redefinitions

'Yo'

A derogatory term coined by self righteous innocent onlookers for people who are supposedly wannabe lit and quizzing gods, who talk English in the last place you'd expect them to, an REC, and snub you because you can't, for all the money in the world, make an intellectual conversation. The 'yo' folks would, ideally speaking, prefer going to Saarang or Mood I where they can flaunt it all, than go to Goa in the summer, enjoy the cool breeze and doze off with a drink of fenny.

Pretenders to the 'Yo' throne include

People who play loud music in their rooms, swear by Pink Floyd ( even though they still think he is some one like Elton John, when surprise surprise, 'he' happens to be a band ), or worse still they 'headbang' at the slightest sound of a Macarena like rhythm, because these days, who doesn't ?

Couples, more often than not, Yo rejects, frivolous with PDAs, but make such a huge fuss out of it when they do eventually get caught in the act

Wearing a football jersey of the biggest club in the world ( Man Utd ) isn't going to ensure that you get away with it. A slightly off beat club's jersey ought to do the trick though. ( Valencia sounds just right !! )

South Park Republicans

Buya started watching South Park this summer. A couple of hours seeing Eric Cartman trash talk his way through some seemingly harmless vocabulary, meant that Buya could not help but be inspired. Its no surprise therefore, therefore that South Park Republicans are quite the rage in the west. But what baffles me is the speed at which they seem to be catching up here, ( you heard it first here ) , in Warangal !!! What does anti semitism have to do with India anyway. Buya nowadays finds himself short of the right words to start or continue a decent conversation, more so for the want of the right kind of expletive. As a result of which he replaces a simple, harmless straightforward 'No' with the more Cartman conforming 'Suck my ****'.

bLOGGING in

“What’s in a name?” asked some wise guy in the 16th century. Sure, there’s nothing at all if you have a real cool name like Shakespeare! I mean it sounds powerful any which way you decide to look at it (shake-spear or sheik’s peer or whatever).

But if you happen to be from my part of the world, you would appreciate what I’m trying to say here: Imagine being named Shallow Shajimon or Blossom Babykutty or worse imagine being a girl and living your life with a name like Lousy Lucykutty or Titty Thomas – all because your parents thought alliteration was way more important than meaning! Or consider having a foot-long set of initials before your name – V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.V.N.S for example - and you would understand.

But at least the latter, unlike the former, doesn’t defy logic – it can be readily explained. What? You want the explanation? Ok you asked for it! Here goes…

Grandpa wants to name his grandson after his favourite planet. Being a little forward, he decides to give it an English touch - Venus Laxman had been pretty much a unanimous decision. Educated though grandpa is, he has a tiny speech disorder. Yes you guessed right, grandpa stutters. Grandpa takes his son to the school on his first day. “What’s his name?” asks the teacher. “VVVVVVVVVVeNuS Laxman” and voila! There you have it. V.V.V.V .V.V.V.V.V.V.N.S Laxman set a new fashion trend (not to mention a Guinness book record) that day, what happened later is quite understandable!

Yes these are the horrors which my people have to live through. No wonder Indians are more spiritual, we start praying right from the time we are in our mothers’ wombs – “God please don’t let my parents be drunk when they name me!”

So next time you see Shakespeare around, tell him that I’m looking for him!

With all of this in mind, we set about trying to name this blog. It was on the 9th of July that it struck me, the name that is, at 2:50 AM to be exact. Arjun and I were sitting, rather uncomfortably I might add, in the vestibule outside the intensive care ward of the Rohini hospital, watching over our eccentric virtuoso pianist. The chump’s jump from the first floor of the 14th block, advertising the to-let sign plastered on the top floors of his anatomy had put us in this uncomfortable predicament. On a dare with himself, Mr. EEE’s believe-it-or-not had taken the plunge, rendering him unable in the process.

So while he was sleeping peacefully inside, completely oblivious to our existence, we were outside trying not to swear too loud. Sleep deprived and weary, Arjun compacted his, self proclaimed, well built body on to a steel chair in the hope of getting some sleep. I’d given up trying to read a book with a mobile torch light. For lack of anything better to do, I thought about what name the lnd blog could have.

Something like the literary times was too cliché. Yet it had to convey that meaning. And then like all good things in life, the name came to mind with no effort at all. The first six letters of the club’s name – LITERA! It was just amazing - it split up brilliantly as LIT ERA (literary times) and LITE RA (the most popular component of the college lingo).

That’s exactly what this blog intends to be - a blog bringing out the literary side in a totally fun and light manner. Hope you have as much fun reading the blog as we have in bringing it to you. Until next time, cheers and blog on.