Classification of species@NITW

STATUTORY DECLARATION: The characters mentioned in the article are purely x+iy, (x=0). Any resemblance to anyone living or dead or half-alive is purely coincidental and unintentional. So please don't impose any mental or physical strain on the author for any such coincidence.

The author found several classes of living creatures from all over the country in the college and made an effort to classify them as follows:

1. Fairer sex
   
2. Non-fairer sex
   

Further classification among the Fairer sex:

Rules Ramanujam

The bookworms of the college saving the library from being filled with Spiders. Wanna see them, then attend the classes regularly. Guys with 100% attendance and 200% innocence. They are seen in the first three rows of the classroom and never stop firing questions at the professor. They are always active and even more active at the time of results. God knows what magic a teacher has!! No one cares the teacher for 3 whole months and when it comes to finalisation of grades everyone starts acting too smart. (The author is proud of not asking marks in any subject till know. You know why? If the teacher asks a question relating to the topic, the author can't answer it :P ) Well, anyway may god bless these 'holy souls'.

The Nitwit

These guys make the bread and butter of the college. They act accordingly; participate in all sports, extra and co-curricular activities, enjoy nights in the dhabas. They represent the college in Tech-fests and make the college feel proud of them. And they never let their grades go down and will obviously get selected in a good company. Our college name is honoured only due to the presence of such guys.

The Fundoo

The author wonders what supernatural powers they have. They are known for bunking the classes and studying in the hostel rooms. They smile when Rules Ramanujam asks a question in the classJ. The class heads to this guy's room to know the syllabus or to clarify any doubt.

The Romeo

If you want to see him just come to the LH as soon as it gets dark. You can see them enjoy their conversation with the non-fairer sex. God only knows what they have so much to talk about.

The Sonic-maniac

These are a species unique to the boys hostel (The author doesn't know if there are any such in the LH too). They have 1400 Watt sound systems in their rooms and they never turnoff their computers and have pendrives and harddisks as means of transport.(Of course, the LAN never doesn't work anywhere other than the LH and the 14^th block). The author is sure that they will not go to heaven due to the curse of their roommates and the neighbours.

The Deski

Typical species seen around the campus and mysteriously vanishes as the sun goes down. They are famous for their bike shows on the college roads. Of course, they miss the ecstatic experiences of hostel life, but then, they do not have to undergo the ordeal of digesting mess food!

The Bodybuilder

These are the guys with muscles of steel. Go to the gym and you will find them trying to lift everything they can and doing exercises on parallel bars with some unknown vengeance. They really are the assets of the college.

The Playboy

'Definition'- Any guy with some music gadget in his ears is a playboy.

Imported materials. They read novels in the classrooms and have a lot of enthu in participating in literary events and quizzes. Win or lose they make a big name of it. They are the brand ambassadors of several brands (like Adidas, Reebok, Levis..) in the college. Their staple diet includes a 100ml Frappie in the Nescafe. They are half philosophers, half critics, half social and half fundoo.

The Sloth

The drowsiest, sleepiest souls on earth. They don't give a damn about the attendance and flout the rules upto the maximum. They are either found in the room sleeping or roaming on bikes or partying in the dhabas, but certainly not in the class.

Now, enough classification of the fairer sex. Let's get to the most awaited section of the article.

Classification of the non-fairer sex:

Miss Nitwit

They form the typical female population in the college. They form the counterparts of Mr. Nitwits. They are very friendly with a smile pasted on their face. It is a joy to see them.

Miss Bookworm

Study, study, study, study, study........ Their world is full of study. I wonder if they ever enjoyed their life. Open your eyes. The world is waiting for you.

Miss LH

Angels of beauty. Extinct species of the college. To the maximum possible extent they don't exist. If, by mistake, there are any, they feel like the Miss World competition doesn't suit their level and of course possess a never ending list of fans adoring their beauty.

Miss Deski

They form the counterparts of the Mr.Deski species. Famous for their regularity in attending classes and submission of assignments(They form into the other categories of classification too, but the author, being a Mr.Deski likes to honour them by such special classification :P)

Miss Dressed to Kill

They form about 2% of the female population of the college. Their attire makes you blind for a while. From where they buy these apparels the author would like to know.

Well, here ends my work of classifying the species. Any suggestions focussing the uncovered sections are always welcome. Enlightenment would be much appreciated J

O! SO horrible!

Facts you should know :

1 This is not a movie review – it is just an honest opinion about *surprise surprise* yet another sucky Hindi movie.

2 I didn’t know Farah Khan was a female till yesterday.

3 I never wanted to do this but dumb idiots like Priya (or more aptly a numbskull) pushed me into it!

4 Criticism is welcome but it’ll just be directed to my trash bin.

5 To quote a Reebok Tee “ I don’t have an attitude problem - I have the attitude, you have the problem”

6 I won’t give you a spoiler alert because frankly I can’t make it any worse for you.


I woke up. I was brushing my teeth. Jebby said “you coming for OSO?” I blinked. “Om Shanti Om, we’re all going”. I nod. 3 hours later everyone agrees the movie is pathetic.

With all the hype that surrounded OSO (which you’ve to say is the dumbest acronym ever for a movie title!) I guess I should be forgiven for expecting something remotely watch-able.

Ok I’m not going to prejudice your decision in anyway except tell you what the movie is about. Please read this with an open mind and make your own informed opinion about this sad, pathetic, mind numbingly stupid movie!

Here’s the deal - some dumbass in the 70s is a wannabe star or junior artist to be more precise, and his name? Yes you guessed it smartass! OM. Ok now for the heroine – a mega star in the 70s who our hero is in love with - yeah you’re right again Shanti! And their kid who completes the movie – Om you think? Well no way Jose! We ain’t gonna make this movie so damn logical!

Instead OSO makes spoofs of some more dumbass hindi movies – spoofs which could have been done much better by Parth et al. Sample this for the spoofy names the O! SO brilliant makers came up with - "Dhoom5" *scratches head*, "Phir bhi dil hai NRI" *contemplates standing on the head and yelling wooga wooga*, "Return of the khiladi" *wants to scream but can’t find the voice*, and "Main bhi hoon naa" (I swear my lap top crashed at this point due to over-exposure of unfunniness). Now compare this to Pedro’s “Eternal moonshine of a spotless behind” and judge how pathetically amateurish OSO is.

Oh and what happens in the rest of the movie you ask? Some more dumbasses get together and sing “all hot girls put your hands up and say OSO! All cool boys come on make some noise and say OSO!” Could it be any lamer? And the best dialogue in the movie is an internet rip-off! (for people who think I’m making this up please read the last line of this blog )

Om and Shanti die or rather are killed by the villain. Om reincarnates as a great star and suddenly an apple falls on his head and he remembers everything about his past. He finds a Shanti look-alike and nearly scares the crap out of our villain. But he is smart enough to know the look alike is not a ghost so he says BOO and is about to get away. But then the real ghost of Shanti appears and kills him!

What a great way to get revenge! Wait for 30 years till shah rukh khan grows up again, and a look alike sprouts up from nowhere. And then kill the villain who ( now in his sixties) in the mean time went to Hollywood became a limousine riding, high flying American badass and lived his life to the fullest! Too damn brilliant! Here’s an advice to the cops - don’t bother searching for murderers they’ll eventually die of old age!.

Oh and in between somewhere Shah Rukh has a word for his fans’ criticism for this post “shove it up your nose, shove it up your nose!”